Im happy in my relationship and so is he because we know how to treat each other. I learned to hide my feelings, be accommodating and have no desires. I think most women are kind, too often maybe. Do we really need more of this? Side note, this reminds me of the the red panda that Sanrio Hello Kitty released to represent the repressed side that so many Japanese girls have because of the pressure they have to be nice. I do think there are people who get complacent or are clueless from time to time but have a genuine heart, so her responsibility ends as far as to communicate her needs and wants clearly to him. Time to flesh out the image of women everywhere and be shown in our fullness. Open up to a page in this shared tome to find a hand-pressed flower, words of comfort, or a small glen of inspiration for your day.
She simply tolerated him and strung him along, while receiving some kind of emotional payout. Afterwards we lay on the floor in a haze, holding each other in gratitude and feeling lighter than ever before. The right guy would not want you to sacrifice your beliefs for him, in fact, the right guy looks out for you as much as you look out for him. That begins with being a giver, not a taker. Let the bad boys and bad girls terrorize each other. From early on I recognized that life as a female and an empath to boot would be easier for me if I just became unreservedly nice.
To take back our self representation. Thanks Karmic Equation for sharing your insights. In reality this friend and I have never had a single argument we are, after all, both very nice girls! This post is a bit of a departure from my normal blog material namely— nature, plants, poetry, ecology and metaphor , but the current news cycle and its endless ugly resurgence of sexism, violence, and misogyny deep currents coming come up to the surface to be exhumed has me thinking of the old ways that are ready to die. Just this morning, after reading your latest blog post on Flower Essences for boundaries, I stood in my power and said no. I think this is a major cultural moment of refinding what boundaries, kindess and self-love really means. You also need to recognize that women have to have a range of ways to express being protective and assertive to deal with the range of different kinds of men she will encounter when dating.
Wow, the situation you described happened to me to when I was in my young womanhood. The sisters, mothers and aunts of the Indian guy know about his 4 kids born out of wedlock- and dont care about it at all. The guy Heather is describing is a guy that comes on powerfully strong in the beginning and it can be very difficult for a woman to know how to handle this. Guys and girls alike have to meet some duds before meeting the right one. You Evan, need to distinguish between being assertive and protective from being a bitch. He now works as an employee of his brother's company- and his brother pays him a pittance. Men, just like women, run the gammit from being a big pushover to being a controlling jerk.
Claire, who unreservedly puts herself last, and is sweet to a fault, is about the last woman I ever expect to see in a fistfight. At the time this partner thought I was being purposely elusive, but the reality was that I actually had no idea what I wanted. Thanks for the advice you offer here Evan. But we never hear of a Goddess being nice. My impression is that scheming to sleep with a hunk is not considered unacceptable in America. .
Where men give less, you give less, and it becomes a battle of indifference until neither party can take it any longer? We learn something everytime we get hurt…. Sorry to say, but for all we know he may have been having sex with her just to punish her for rejecting him…who knows…guys have angry sex or just for the chase,? How lucky you are to understand this already in your life. After having a very foward female coworker who I had to learn to speak my mind to I learned to say what needed to be said without apology. I have been struggling to peel away the layers of the nice girl for years. I think the main thing is when you do fall for someone, to not lose yourself in the process. Even as I empowered myself with education, knowledge, life experience, starting and rocking my own business, there was always the impetus to be a nice girl.
Sophia Rose of photo by How many times have we reacted to injustice by being nice, agreeable, mild, when we could have been kind? I love how you ask us to transform this need to be nice into being kind. I laughed out loud at the part about not knowing where to go to dinner! After all, it would seem to be a good bet. I just walk away from those situations because they need time to sort it out or heal themself. One thing I totally agree with Evan is that always look at yourself first. A number of hunks have children with women who sabotaged birth control. By your standards, Tamara, the answer would have to be yes. So, as some other responder said, my question would be, If men are aroused visually, women are aroused, how? One does not declare oneself to be nice.
He feels manipulated, starts to pull away…and on and on and on. As our relationship evolved, I started falling in love with him, compromising, going out of my way to make him happy and even doing things that went against my beliefs. Kindness means doing the hard thing and taking a stand and speaking the truth in love. It used to be admired to live a simple life, putting others first. Of course, the best solution is to find a way to feel more secure about yourself. Lorianne is simply defining very clear boundaries to thwart the type of guy that will try to hurt her.
If you are making 80,000 dollars in Manhattan and are sending 20,000 dollars home to help your family- there is not much cash left. Having said that, 2 I would like to make a plug for the importance of raising kind sons. I became someone who always put others needs first, defaulting to an attitude of cheerful mildness. The distinction between niceness and kindness is simple and vast and your article illustrates it beautifully. I honestly think this pattern can cause people to end up with a fear or intimacy. Yes, it does sound like a role reversal. She describes her behavior in this way to express these boundaries in no uncertain terms, which some men need.